Really?

It's been so long, why even post? Not that anyone reads this or follows it, especially since no consistant blogging is occuring. My life has changed so much since I started this blog, but funny that I'm still me battling the same demons. I repeat the same mistakes and come to the same conclusions but never ever really change. I don't like the course I'm on, so I'm changing it but why can't I, myself, really change? I know I'm not alone in this way of thinking and are we all truly stuck with ourselves forever, the same person we have always been, just darkened by all of our experiences? Hmmm, really, same ole me...

NOLA

Here's a wonderful quote by Chris Rose that truly describes a person from New Orleans.
" We dance when there is no music. We drink at funerals. We talk too much and live to large and, frankly, we're suspicious of others who don't."

Yes, No, Maybe?

Decisions, Decisions? Life is full of them. I guess if I could see the world in only black and white, that would make everything easier. My life is full of gray. I guess that's why depression is so easy for me to come by. Plus I tend to be a little bit of a perfectionist and I don't want to make the wrong decision. How do I free myself from procrastinating to make decisions and how do I follow through with the decisions that I make? Each decision for me is like getting up on a diving board. I could stand their for hours looking at the water below or turning my head back to the ladder for which I came until someone yells at me to jump or get off. I tend to go back down the ladder and face the fear another day. My inner voice declares NO MORE, I shall jump into the water each time kicking and screaming but no longer retreating. Now I guess it's time to see if my inner voice can make my body jump.

Crazy is being stuck in a parking garage for 3 hours. Why did I ever think going to a place with a million other people at the same time was a good idea? It must have been the Saints euphoria. All I can say is after 3 hours, the euphoria is gone. Screw dat!

I found Me

I found me in the most unsuspecting places. I found myself by going home again. A glimpse of the past helped but definitely a secret message left by myself at a former time. I wonder if I knew then that I would lose myself. That I would need a reminder to find my way back. I just wish I can hold on to myself for a while. I seem to keep losing myself over and over. I just hope I left myself more hidden messages because being lost keeps me from my purpose. Now if I could only remember what that purpose is?

Definition of Insanity

I agree with Albert Einstein. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. This definition applies to Southerners too, we just do the same things over and over again but backwards. I would say I want to stop the insanity but that's not true since drama makes life more interesting. I just wish I had more control and that in itself lies my true problem. I attempt to control things that are impossible and neglect to control what is in my domain. I have always struggled with the serenity prayer. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference. Maybe I will try something different and post more regularly. Finally, follow through with something I embark on besides an occasional afghan or good book. There has to be more to me.

To blog or not to blog

As crazy as my life seems, the idea of exposing it for the world to read is even crazier. So my journey continues with a keyboard in hand.